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39. Love

Love is, at once, beautiful, essential, pervasive, simple and profound; and confusing, difficult and elusive.

The word love is used for many things.  We say we love ice cream and mean we enjoy it, feel good and like it when we eat ice cream.  We say we love the sun or the rain and mean we enjoy and appreciate it.  We say we love our lover and mean we love them conditionally, when or because they do something we like, need or want, like pay attention to, appreciate, listen to, care for, help, support or make love to us.  When we say we love our child, we usually mean we feel unconditionally bonded to them, feel good about them, care about them and adore them deep in our core, even when they don’t do what we want.

We say love is good, in each of these and in other shaded meanings, because it makes us feel good.  That’s a practical test:  how does it make us feel deep down inside?  Subjectively and intuitively, love is unquestionably good; we know that, because we can feel it, as personal truth.  How deeply we feel that goodness and energy determines how deeply we are experiencing the condition or truth of love.

In the case of ice cream, the feeling is superficial.  It feels good, but it’s fleeting.  We love ice cream while we’re eating it, but later we may not feel so good about it, because we worry about our weight.  We love the sun, til we get sunburned, and then we may not feel so good about it and have to avoid it. 

 

Less superficial, but much more confusing, is conditional love, which is often the fields of romantic love.  I love it or you when or if…  I truly feel good when you do this thing I like, or deeply need, or just want, but I don’t feel good if you won’t.  Then, this love is about fulfilling a need or desire.  It gets confusing, since people often have different needs and desires, or the same needs and desires at different times, or needs and desires change.  Love is then almost transactional.  In conditional romantic love, we seek a trading partner we can exchange things we need or desire with, so we can feel love from that exchange.

Romantic love is often fraught with confusion, passing fulfillment, fleeting highs, and disappointment, because it depends on meeting the conditions that generate the feelings of love and appreciation.  When we love because we enjoy passionate sex, what happens to the love if sexual passion diminishes?  When one lover is trading listening and attention for appreciation and care, does the appreciation and care dry up if the listening and attention stop?  Conditional love often confuses and disappoints, because of its transactional nature, like trading in a marketplace where needs and desires come and go.  Love can even turn to hate or other bad feelings related to loss and resentment when it’s no longer felt.

Fortunately, love is also an independent state of being.  We can feel love unconditionally or universally.  Love is an energetic state, a frequency, wavelength, resonance and/or pattern we can choose to tune to, no matter what else is going on.  We can exist in a state of love, tuned to and resonating in love energy, no matter what anyone else thinks, says or does.  We don’t need anybody else to fill any need or desire to feel universal love.  It’s possible to be deep in a state of love without being in a relationship.

Universal, unconditional love is simple, really.  We simply choose to be in love; we open to it, feel for it and stay with it when we feel it.  Anyone can do it.  We intend unconditional love; sit with it in meditation; relax and open ourselves; quiet our distracting thoughts; and feel around until we feel it.  When we feel it, we open to it and allow it; we simply maintain the state in which we feel love; we stay tuned to that love energy.  When we do, we are in love, without depending on anyone else to feel love.  We become responsible for our own state of love, independent of our needs and desires from others.

 

Universal, unconditional love is simple, but it’s not necessarily easy.  We’re culturally conditioned to look for love in others, rather than in ourselves.  We try to find love in romantic partners, where love is conditional, and are often eventually disappointed.  We feel love unconditionally in fleeting moments, inspired by a beautiful sunset, view or other event, but as that event fades, the feeling of love fades.  We have trouble finding it again, because the conditions of events are always different.  We find love with another, but we hold onto it so tightly we squeeze out the conditions from which it emerged.

 

When we are in a state of unconditional love, which we take responsibility for creating and maintaining ourselves, we can be with others without letting their states of being or behaviors jeopardize that love.  We can be in love, with another, or others, but that love does not depend on the other, or others.  We feel good, no matter what.  If they behave poorly, or in ways we’d rather they didn’t, we don’t have to fall out of love.  We feel love, period.  We resonate love energy as long as we can hold it ourselves.  Others feel that love, too.  It affects us, them and everything in our environments.  It raises energy.

 

We are all drawn to love, like moths to flame.  Love is attractive, because we all know love deep inside, and we know how good it is to feel love.  Subjectively, intuitively, indisputably, we know love is good.  We seek it.  Love is the gateway to higher consciousness, and we can feel the truth of that, no matter who we are or what we’ve been through in our lives.  “All you need is love.”  Simple, powerful truth.  Social conditioning has not overpowered our innate, deep knowing of the value and importance of love.

When we are in a state of love, tuned to love energy, we no longer tune to other, lower energy frequencies, like hate, anger, resentment, fear, jealousy, and anxiety.  Choosing higher energy love is simultaneously choosing not to feel these lower energies, from which so many of our problems arise.  We more easily solve problems generated from states of hate, anger, resentment, fear, jealousy and anxiety if we approach them from love and other higher energy states.  Love overcomes.  Love triumphs.

The world changes when we change our state of being.  We feel different, perceive and think differently.  We are different, and everything else seems different, too.  Many talk of wanting to change the world.  To do that, we change our own states of being.  We simply choose and cultivate unconditional love, encompass everything in it, and everything shifts.  When enough of us do that, the dominant energy informing our culture shifts from fear to love, and things start to change for everyone.

In a state of unconditional love, with and for all, it no longer makes sense to do anything that harms another, because we are and love the other.  We could no easier kill a stranger than our child.  We act toward others from and with love, and the compassion love creates, and we naturally help, share with, and take care of each other.  When we do that, we’re all cared for, all have enough, are all supported.  All thrive.  That unconditional love covers not only humans, but all life.  Love embraces all.

All the great spiritual leaders and teachers have experienced, known and tried to share this truth:  Buddha, Moses, Mohammad, Jesus, Aurobindo…  There’s no reason for competition and bad feelings between religions when at their core they’re based on different teachers teaching the same lesson. 

 

Forget about the religious differences layered on later for other purposes.  Love and respect for any teacher who brings truths like this to light and our lives!  Each is just a different finger pointing to the same path forward, up and out of much of our problems and suffering in life.  Thank you all!

 

Love is critically important, and we need to find, know, share and resonate unconditional love, no matter what.  We don’t depend on anybody else for love.  Love is ours to own and share personally.  Let’s change the world with love!  Be love now!  Let love drive the bus!

 

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